Dual....:-)
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
