the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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