no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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