1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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