I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
