My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
