Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
