Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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