Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
