So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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