i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
