No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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