Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
