We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
