You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
