I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
how does that bad decision feel?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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