I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
