The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
