Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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