i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
