Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know her cup size but not her name....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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