Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
