I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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