Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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