are you so shy because you have an std?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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