i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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