the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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