True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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