So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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