I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
