she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
