Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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