Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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