Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
