Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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