Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
