Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
