Please, let me fuck your mom
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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