Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
