I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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