Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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