I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
