I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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