So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
