I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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