O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
