if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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