Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
