i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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