The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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