Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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