I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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