Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts