I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.