This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.