My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
