Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
