Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
