she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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