hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
