I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
