i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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